If you’re a senior – and by “senior” I mean someone fifty years of age or better – then there’s a good chance that you have started to experience some degree of decline in your sexual appetites or abilities. This is very common, and it’s OK to feel a sense of loss and perhaps some confusion about this.
But I’m here to tell you that sex can actually get better, not worse, as you get older! Yes, it’s possible maintain a healthy sex life well into one’s eighties, nineties, and beyond. There may be physical difficulties or health issues that affect some aspect of sex, and those factors need to be addressed. But so much of your satisfaction truly depends on the emotional connection with your partner as well as your willingness to learn new strategies.
I help clients remove the belief that sex is only intercourse. I can help you and your partner explore a larger sexual repertoire, including touching, caressing, kissing, and other positive expressions of affections.
Some of my male clients have trouble moving from penis-centered lovemaking to a sexual style that incorporates imaginative loveplay, creative intercourse positions, and liberal use of hands and mouth. Sometimes both men and women benefit from simply learning how to talk in ways that enhance their enjoyment during lovemaking.
I often assign hands-on homework, especially a type of erotic massage called “sensate focus,” and I help you integrate this approach into your sex life. I encourage you and guide you as you find new, perhaps surprising ways to experience sensual and sexual pleasure in an aging body.
Often, learning or relearning how to play helps you break through old patterns. I love to help clients reconnect with their essential playful nature. What better than feelings of joy and freedom and fun to stoke the fires of passion?
And if all this weren’t enough, it turns out that seniors who reclaim their sexuality also enjoy many health benefits. Numerous studies have shown that, in addition to generating pleasurable feelings, sex reduces the risk of heart disease, depression, migraines, arthritis, and stress. Plus it boosts your immune system!
With an M.D., I conducted two aging and sexuality research studies which were later published in medical journals. Managing losses and handling sexual difficulties emerged as tender issues, important to address. Sex is a central quality-of-life factor. Many doctors are clumsy in dealing with their patients’ sexuality and are wise to advise consultation with a sex therapist.
You don’t have to settle for a declining sex life as you age. The truth is … the aging process actually primes you for deeper emotional and physical intimacy. With an increasing sense of one’s mortality comes a desire to savor every moment. And besides, love and sex are the best rejuvenators!
I love working with couples who are motivated to keep the spark alive!
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“The one thing that can’t be taken from us, even by death,
is the love we give away before we go.”
— Reverend Forrest Church