Rapid ejaculation, also known as premature ejaculation (PE), is a common problem for many men of all ages. If you experience rapid ejaculation during sex, you probably feel disappointed that you’re missing the chance to enjoy longer periods of fun and intimacy with your partner. This experience may actually keep you from enjoying the sensations in your own body. It may also contribute to a lack of confidence and avoidance of sex.
Rapid ejaculation also affects your partner, who may hold back in an attempt to help you last longer. This can lead to feelings of frustration for your partner, too. It’s not uncommon for partners to say “it’s your problem to fix,” which leads to further shame and alienation.
I treat rapid ejaculation as a couple’s problem. It affects both of you, and both of you can have a role in improving the situation. But … you may be too shy to begin therapy with your partner present. So I often see a man with rapid ejaculation first for a few sessions, and then his partner joins in the therapy sessions later.
The good news is that there are effective solutions for treating rapid ejaculation, one of which is called “start-stop masturbation.” Through homework assignments, I help you learn to recognize your approaching “point of no return” and work toward a slower build-up of erotic sensation.
This process of retraining your arousal system can take several months of practice, so it’s a fine idea to consider your partner’s pleasure during this time. You can focus first on your partner, using your lips, tongue and fingers before beginning intercourse. Your partner can help by being sensitive to your anxieties and encouraging you to relax – and I coach you both on various techniques to stay connected while your process unfolds.
One final note: In working with my clients, I sometimes sense that a man’s private battle with his penis doesn’t include much kindness. So I work with you to help you experience greater patience and love for yourself and your body.
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