Getting Back Out There – Part 2
Dr. Ashley Mader (www.ourshine.org) returned to talk with Dr. Diana about how to mentally prepare to return to the dating scene. The trick is to find the right balance of having fun, not coming off too desperate, and being yourself – which is no easy task. So how do singles mentally prepare to date?
Be present. “I always live in the present. The future I can’t know. The past I no longer have.” – Fernando Pessoa
Be present with friends. Engage in conversations and genuinely listen to understand, not just to respond. Being present helps focus your energy on the things that matter right now.
Consider therapy. Dr. Ashley offers a free 20-minute consultation via telehealth. If the potential client wants to continue, it will become a full hour therapy session. Here are some other resources for accessing therapy, either in person or online: Psychology Today directory of therapists, BetterHelp.com, and TalkSpace.com. Getting mental health support is healthy, and can help you work on yourself before or while you’re looking for love.
Read a book. “Think before you speak. Read before you think.” – Fran Lebowitz
Many self-help books have advice on how to change your love life: for example, by noticing the patterns about your last choices. Also, learning more about your wants and needs is important. A classic book is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman. There is a free quiz on www.5LoveLanguages.com. The book helps you to understand how you prefer to give versus receive love – they shouldn’t always be the same.
As you find your way back into the dating scene, also check out Dr. Diana’s book Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine. The book’s timeless advice and practical exercises are helpful for couples even beyond this pandemic.
Dr. Ashley and Dr. Diana agree: Life choices and self-improvement can open us to the potential bounty of our lives!
Click below to listen to the interview (approx. one hour):