Diana Wiley

Senior Sexuality

Joan Price’s candid, upbeat manner has led the media to dub her a “senior sexpert.”  Dan Savage is among her fans: “Joan Price is one of the smartest thinkers about sex, regardless of your age – or hers!” Joan’s books include Naked at our Age, The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50, Sex After Grief, Better Than I Expected, and Ageless Erotica — all available for purchase here.

Joan and Dr. Diana spoke of their own “L.A.T.” relationships. L.A.T. – “Living Apart Together” – is a long-term, committed romantic connection without intent to share a home. If not living under the same roof, date night anticipation can heighten sexual desire! Cultivating your individuality and personal fulfillment can foster growing intimacy and trust.

The conversation then moved to “Sex Toys for Seniors.” Joan has been a sex toy reviewer for 15 years—evaluating each toy from a senior’s perspective. She can offer guidance about how to choose the best one(s)?  What do you do if a partner doesn’t like the sex toy idea? Sex tech has come a long way, and now there are clit-sucking sex toys. They work by using a combination of air, suction, and a little vibration – all to facilitate orgasm! There are lots of juicy bits as Dr. Diana interviews her guest Joan Price. Please listen – no matter your age!

Click below to listen to the interview (approx. one hour):

A Tribute to Betty Dodson (1929-2020) with Dr. Carol Queen

Thanks to Betty Dodson, millions of women have known orgasmic bliss … What a legacy! And there is so much more to Dr. Dodson’s legacy. Exploring all of this with Dr. Carol Queen, author of The Sex & Pleasure Book, was such an enlightening experience! As someone who was mentored by Betty, Dr. Carol just returned from New York City where she participated in the memorial for her at the Museum of Sex. Betty died last year on Halloween at the age of 91. The museum has a wing devoted to BAD (Betty A. Dodson), her art, sex education, and videos. Indeed, she has been one of the most important voices for women’s sexual pleasure and health for more than five decades. She spoke about Western civilization’s war on female sexual pleasure. Betty promoted pleasure as one of the main drivers of sexual arousal and personal well-being.

BAD’s first book, Liberating Masturbation (1974, out of print) became a feminist classic. Her book Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving (reissued 1996) sold over a million copies. In 2007, Betty teamed up with Carlin Ross to develop a new website www.DodsonandRoss.com. The two women based their content on questions asked from people around the world. Her Bodysex Workshops taught women how to overcome negative body image, pleasure anxiety, ignorance, and shame. In her book Sex for One, she said, “The most consistent sex will be the love affair you have with yourself. Masturbation will get you through childhood, puberty, romance, marriage and divorce, and it will see you through old age.”

Dr. Diana last visited Dr. Betty in 2010 in her NYC apartment. We spoke of her memoir where she reported an actual bird’s visit one night. This was a sacred experience that taught Betty patience to wait until the morning when the bird could have the daylight to see her way out. The bird was a “divine visitor” who offered Betty this message: When the time is right, the light will be there to see your way out. October 31, 2020 was Betty’s time. The light saw her out … leaving some sensual/sexual light behind for those of us who loved and admired her.

Click below to listen to the interview (approx. one hour):

Sizzling Sex for Life

Michael Castleman (www.GreatSexGuidance.com) has answered more than 12,000 sex questions. By listening to this show and buying his latest book Sizzling Sex for Life: Everything You Need to Know to Maximize Erotic Pleasure at Any Age, you’ll have all your questions answered. You can also check out his Psychology Today sexuality blog, which has attracted more than 50 million views. This makes Castleman the world’s most popular sex writer!

Michael and Diana first discussed how porn is miseducation. He says porn misleads men about themselves, women, and lovemaking. It turns out porn gets a lot wrong, including: everyone is hot to trot all the time; and there is almost no whole-body caressing, and little kissing. They also talked about sex that is not penis-centered but more whole-body, sensuality focused. It really helps to have at least 20 minutes of non-genital play, including massage, before penetration. Trading foot massages can be so enjoyable … and healthy!

Although you won’t hear much about this from the sex-negative crowd, Michael and Diana discussed the many healing benefits of sex, both solo and partnered. These include:

• Relaxation is at the top of the list. Castleman points out that orgasm is deeply relaxing, and that deep relaxation helps treat many potentially serious conditions: anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, and heart disease. Regular sex offers similar benefits.
• Pain relief comes because sex is distracting and it releases endorphins, the body’s natural analgesic. In addition, sex is exercise. One of the nation’s leading causes of chronic pain is osteoarthritis. The Arthritis Foundation recommends regular sex.
• Prostate cancer prevention is an important health benefit. Frequent ejaculations, solo or with a partner, help clear germs from a man’s genitourinary tract.
• Sex makes you happier. It’s no secret that people get a smile on their face after having sex. Research shows that the release of DHEA during sex provides a natural anti-depressant and mood enhancer. Some studies show that regular sex can be as much as 10 times more effective than traditional prescription anti-depressants. The fountain of youth can be found between the sheets!

Michael Castleman’s Sizzling Sex for Life is completely evidence-based, citing some 2,500 studies.  His advice is often imbued with humor and compassion! To quote Dr. Eli Coleman: “The most practical, authoritative, and comprehensive sexuality guide ever written.” You are well advised to buy this book to learn everything you need to maximize your erotic pleasure at any age!

Click below to listen to the interview (approx. one hour):

Narcissism and Relationships

If a narcissist is part of your life—as a spouse, partner, lover—you may need a game plan to survive. Dr. Linda De Villers, author of author of Love Skills and Simple Sexy Food, joined Dr. Diana again. This time the two friends and sex therapists spoke about overt and covert narcissism in men. The overt narcissist is more extraverted; perhaps he needs to be the center of attention or maybe he’s an entitled playboy. The covert narcissist is more introverted; he is more subtle, but still craves admiration and importance.

What about childhood influences? A solid sense of self is the bedrock for life. Freud theorized—and modern research has confirmed—that this sense of who you are develops between the ages of one and three. That’s when the small child comes to understand that he is important, but not the center of the universe. If a parent is too indulgent or self-absorbed to give what is needed, the sense of self may be stunted.

Who’s a narcissist? It’s true: most of us act selfishly at times. But we psychotherapists consider a person “narcissistic” when the following kinds of behavior are persistent and pervasive: shamelessness, entitlement, arrogance, exploitation, and poor boundaries.

How about living with a narcissist? Good relationships are based on reciprocity: you listen attentively and empathetically to the other person’s joys and sorrows, and vice versa. With a narcissist, it’s a one-way street. Researchers have found that narcissism is closely tied to perfectionism, making narcissists extremely demanding and hypercritical of others.

What about sexual narcissism? In the bedroom these guys require constant stroking (of the ego, primarily), and they tend not to be generous lovers. Another sign of sexual narcissism in both men and (some) women is a compulsive need for new conquests. He needs praise from lots of women. The narcissist may have trouble working on relationships once they get beyond the first, blissful stage of falling in love. They don’t want to think about improving things; they only want to hear how wonderful they are.

Dr. Linda and Dr. Diana agree that maybe the best way to identify narcissists is how they make you feel. They can be masters at off-loading onto others the emotions they can’t handle, such as their shame, their rage, their inadequacy. It may be hard to stay in a narcissistic relationship for a long time. It’s necessary to realize that no amount of effort on your part is going to fill these narcissists up, to complete them as human beings.

Do you need some expert advice about narcissism and relationships? Go to the Dear Dr. Diana website to submit your question.

Click below to listen to the interview (approx. one hour):

World Sexual Health Day

For World Sexual Health Day, which was celebrated on Sept. 4, Dr. Lori Buckley, author of 21 Decisions for Great Sex and a Happy Relationship, and Dr. Diana looked at how sexual pleasure can be profoundly healing and very good for our overall health. Sex drive decreases gradually with age in most men and women, but women are two to three times more likely to be affected by a decline in sex drive as they age. Many women just don’t have the energy to rekindle the flame of passion. An estimated 40 million American women struggle with diminished libido, and additional data suggests that up to 63% of women experience some degree of sexual dysfunction during their lives. Low sexual desire is their most frequent concern.

The two sex therapists had a lively and often personal discussion of what to do. Hormones were the centerpiece of their discussion. It’s essential that you do thorough research to find the right, experienced doctor for such an individual decision. For many women, including the host and her guest, Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy – BHRT – is the answer. Estrogen, progesterone and testosterone especially affect our sexuality, intimately shaping our experiences of love, attraction, and arousal. Dr. Lori’s phrase: “Stay juicy and jazzed”!

Testosterone is Dr. Diana’s favorite hormone because it’s so vital to inspiring and maintaining those two states! Testosterone, with the assistance of estrogen, stimulates nerve receptors in your brain, igniting your pleasure circuitry and setting sexual feelings and arousal in motion. More good news: testosterone can give an added jolt to your sexuality by increasing your clitoris’s sensitivity to touch. Testosterone can also increase your sense of wellbeing. Research has shown that “t” plays a role in modulating the actions of dopamine, a brain chemical that allows you to feel joy and pleasure. When women have deficient dopamine, they often experience a low sex drive as well as feelings of hopelessness and decreased ability to handle stress.

The information in this show can dramatically improve your quality of life. And you can benefit from dozens of suggestions and exercises in Dr. Diana’s book, Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine. It’s true … sex can definitely improve your appearance and your relationship!

Click below to listen to the interview (approx. one hour):