I find it deeply satisfying to assist couples on the road to long-term passion! The reward can be a sex life that grows richer (and possibly more risqué) over time.
As you start to move toward having better sex, you may find that a part of you resists the good feelings. Good sexual experiences can be emotionally overpowering – mind-blowing rather than warm and comforting. Lusty sex does require a confrontation of certain kinds of worries – getting so close that there are overwhelming feelings, or the fear of being rejected at an intensely vulnerable moment. You may become even more aware of your mortality – with reminders that your partner won’t be around forever. Yes, great sex does require inner reserves to help you tolerate the angst.
The truth is, sex really can get better with age! This is because you may have a stronger sense of self and may feel less self-conscious and insecure. A woman, for example, rather than focusing on orgasms, can pay more attention to the emotional and physical connections. Shifting your focus to include your partner can make the sexual experience much more intense and satisfying.
Dr. David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage, puts both sexuality and intimacy at the center of human development. Sex, and meeting its challenges, makes us grown-ups.
If you are seeking increased sexual satisfaction, I can help you develop resilience and stand up for yourself. The effort will help you grow stronger, so that you can deal with your partner with more integrity and authenticity.
Here’s a case: the wife said:
“I used to think it was Ken’s job to take care of me by knowing how I felt. Now I’m not dumping anything on him. I have worked my side of the issue. As a result, I feel loved and want to move toward him – especially in bed!”
This is Schnarchian self-differentiation in action!
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