Divorce is like a death in that it’s a death of hopes and expectations, and it must be grieved. A reduced libido is often part of this physiological/emotional process of grief and depression. And after a time, with professional help in understanding these feelings, your libido may naturally return to a healthy state.
If you repress your grief, whether from a divorce or from a death, there may be a price to be paid for this attempt to avoid pain. There may be a diminution of the capacity to feel anything. Sexual problems can stem from this.
A widow client of mine expressed it like this, “To enjoy my body at all feels like infidelity.” She was also experiencing guilt because when her erotic feelings did return, she felt she had no right to sexual pleasure now that her husband was dead. Talk therapy helped, and there was eventually a new man. My client admitted that she enjoyed cuddling, touching – perhaps even more than intercourse. Sexual intimacy can be very healing for the body and the soul!
It can help to talk with a professional about the confusing and natural aspects of grieving. I was widowed – so I know what a shattering experience it can be. It may leave an ache which is almost always there but at the same time it can assist in your personal growth. For me, I reassessed the things that matter and got a new perspective on life. I did this while I integrated my late husband’s loving spirit into my ongoing life. And in a strange way the loss gives something and does not take away.
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