As a woman, you may sometimes feel low sexual desire (libido) or a lack of arousal altogether. In fact, 40% of women in a large-scale survey reported a low libido – depending on the time of the month, if they were menopausal, or if their relationship was troubled.
If your libido is lagging or you often feel “not tonight, dear, I’m too tired,” you may be thinking about just giving up on sex. Stress, work schedules, children, anger, and boredom are among the chief contributing factors. But in fact, there is definitely hope for rekindling your desire with your current partner.
As a therapist, I guide you in ways to connect with your sexuality – and with yourself, and with your partner. Regaining your desire for sex may take some work. Even though we may have developed the belief that sex is a natural function, your true sexual potential may need to be intentionally developed.
Female desire and arousal are predicated on many factors – things like the nature of your relationship, your attitudes towards yourself and toward sex, your general health, and your hormone levels. There are multiple pathways to renewed desire that we may explore.
The emotional connection, especially for women, seems to be the indispensable fuel for a satisfying sex life. Questions may arise for you: Why am I not getting enough romance, sex, and foreplay? Why does passion fizzle after a time? As an experienced marriage and family therapist, I help you and your partner sort through the blocks to greater emotional intimacy.
Your self-image is also a crucial factor that affects your level of sexual desire. We explore what would make you feel desirable, and then implement strategies to jump start your libido.
I also work collaboratively with medical doctors and naturopaths, as we evaluate health issues, medications, and your partner’s health issues – including erectile dysfunction. Your hormone levels, especially testosterone, can be checked with a blood test. Vaginal dryness is common – painful intercourse often reduces both the female and the male libido. I guide you in selecting the possible treatments to restore your sexual health and well-being.
And for some women, desire doesn’t necessarily come first. You may first need some sexual activity to get you in the mood, such as using a vibrator, looking at erotica, or fantasizing about sex to get aroused. Mindfulness may also be necessary – so that you’re not multi-tasking, with sex becoming just one more thing to check-off on your “to-do” list.
Female sexual desire is complex – and even fragile. Talking with an experienced sex therapist can often help.
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