What are the social mega-trends that are impacting modern romantic relationships? Brad Coates knows. He is a frequent guest and a longtime friend. His book Divorce With Decency (5th Edition) is updated from time to time, with Brad wearing his sociologist hat on top of his lawyer hat. Online dating has meant that proximity is now worldwide and the timing is immediate. Today an estimated one-third of marrying couples in the U.S. met online, and as many as 15% of American adults have used dating sites or apps. Some are happy to note that people looking for a sweetheart on the internet are more likely to have full-time employment and higher education, and to be seeking a long-term partner. Relationships also end because of the internet: cheating and getting caught is easier. According to a recent survey, 55% of Americans ages 18-45 spend more time on their phones than with their significant others.
There have been major changes in sexuality/pornography as well. The U.S. porn industry generates about $12 billion in annual revenue. Some experts feel that this porn explosion has altered men’s sexual behavior toward women – where they are treated more as “objects.” In Dr. Diana’s practice, there are a few couples where porn does not negatively affect their relationship. Acceptance of pornography by BOTH partners can actually help with communication – what they like, what turns them on, the fantasies they harbor. Porn can be a scapegoat for all the conversations couples aren’t having.
Dr. Diana and Brad also discussed living together, cohabitation, and LAT (Living Apart Together). As so many know, marriage isn’t easy. According to CNNMoney.com, “Money is the top source of marital tension.” Our relationship with money is deeply emotional. Money both symbolizes and embodies freedom, security and control over our lives … and it can be strongly tied to self-worth and our judgements of others. Finally, we spoke of “gray divorces,” in which 25% of all recent divorces involved people who had been married for two decades or more. There are simply more potential new partners out there. Stephanie Coontz calls this a “thicker remarriage market.” Please tune-in for even more!
Click below to listent to the interview (approx. one hour):
