We needed to see female pleasure so that we could demand it for ourselves. Candida Royalle (Candice), the godmother of feminist porn, taught us a lot about sex. A former adult performer, she went behind the camera and founded Femme Production in 1984, making films that depicted women in control of their sex lives…Happy couples having hot sex. Candice died of ovarian cancer at the age of 64 in 2015. My guest, Dr. Mark Schoen, and I were both good friends of the late filmmaker. My husband and I traveled to Vancouver, B.C. for the May 4th premiere of the documentary “Candice” by director/filmmaker Sheona McDonald. She will be my guest next week. Mark and I agreed that Sheona made a very intimate, compelling portrait of a woman who was a true pioneer in the field of adult film making. Dr Mark is a sex educator and filmmaker himself – www.SexSmartFilms.com. So, one filmmaker reviews another filmmaker! His films, including “Trans,” have been transformative! Go to his website so that you might get a real sex education. Please tune in next week for Sheona and the following week for Dr. Mark again.

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Brad Coates is the author of Divorce with Decency (Fifth Edition) and practices as a divorce attorney in Honolulu. He and Dr. Diana discussed the widening gender gap. When men and women face the same passage with different needs and directions, how do marriages/relationships survive? When we talk about men’s passages, “traditional masculinity” often relies on stoicism, dominance, aggression and competitiveness. It seems that the more men cling to rigid views of masculinity, the more likely they are to be depressed, or disdainful, or lonely. How does a man, especially over fifty, move from competing to connecting? Some men feel the solution lies in fixing women: as soon as women stop taking their jobs, depression fades; as soon as women stop categorizing sexual attention as harassment, there is less loneliness. There is also the idea of the “save-your-life-wife” – that men really are more dependent on women than they might admit. A fear of intimacy often lurks. This fear may be a fear of going too deep into himself. It’s a mirror. “I’m afraid to look for the old jock image of myself and find out, ‘Hey, you’re really not that good’.” There’s more, and it’s complicated. Tune in to hear Coates and Wiley sort this out.

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Relationship Skills: Playing Nicely With Others was Sheri Winston’s focus. Sheri (www.IntimateArtsCenter.com) is a teacher, author, and medical professional with some thirty years of experience. Dr. Diana and Sheri spoke about the balance between self-awareness (“I”), partner-awareness (“You”) and partner-awareness (“Us”). Self-awareness requires a good relationship with the self; sometimes the key to better sex might be repairing that relationship. The “You” part may be improved by syncing up with your partner – plugging into a partner’s breath, pelvic thrusts, and vocalizations. As for the “Us” part, being fully transparent – sharing everything, especially those parts you don’t want to share. Can you let your lover love you completely, your darkness as well as your light? There are many teachers, including the Gottmans and Harville Hendrix (Imago).  Eliminating negative patterns by resolving to go 30 days without negativity, and by replacing judgment with curiosity can be great “fixes.” Sheri’s books are Succulent Sex Craft and Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure (both available online).  Please listen for a lively, informative show!

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What is your sexual history – and what might it mean? Sheri Winston returned to the program to sort this out with Dr. Diana. Sheri is a celebrated sexuality teacher, and an award-winning author. Her book Succulent Sex Craft is available on Amazon.com; but you’ll also want to check out her website www.IntimateArtsCenter.com. Most everybody has learned something from their sexual history. For some women “happily ever after” stories take over: as in, someday my Prince will come – and so will I! Sheri’s book talks about erotic communication, and succulent sex craft for partners. One of her suggestions is for couples to have a Play Shop where there is “show and tell” for kissing, for stroking, for foot massages, for genitals, etc. … Start slow, super slow. It’s good to remember that if men are microwaves, women are slow-cooking ovens! Couples will switch roles, and if receiving, having responsible responses. Want to hear the details?  Tune in!

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Good information, like a good man, is hard to find. Dr. Dudley Danoff, M.D. offers abundant, accurate information in his book The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health. Dr. Danoff discussed super foods to invigorate your sex life, the health benefits of having sex, top questions a gay man should ask his doc, and ways to stay sexy as you age. He is a world renowned urologist with this message: great sex is at its finest with an emotional connection – with good skills backed by informed knowledge. (More information on his website at: www.theultimateguidetomenshealth.com.) By listening to this program and by reading his book, you may realize it’s never too late to change your sexual story. Revise your story if it leaves you incompetent or incomplete. Please tune in for a fascinating show!

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The actress Jeanne Moreau once said, “Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.” Valentine’s Day is near — so Brad Coates and Dr. Diana spoke about the widening gender gap and how this may affect love and relationships. Brad’s research suggests that when it comes to romance, men tend to be the first in and the last out. The #MeToo movement has empowered women, some experiencing more resentment and hostility toward males. In a partnership, the sexual relationship needs to be satisfying and fun! Intimacy is a balm, a connector, a place of surprise, and the redirection of tension into pleasure. We all need more pleasure in our lives! Most women want a man who will treat her kindly; if he does, she will give and forgive much. Men: don’t try to fix it – do try to understand it. Be appreciative and don’t take your partner for granted. If you have a Valentine, make the most of it! Brad Coates is the author of Divorce with Decency (Fifth Edition), and his website is www.CoatesandFrey.com.

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